It’s been several months since I last posted and I feel like I have been neglecting my blog! I’ve had a tough time lately trying to get started on projects that seem to be looming in the distance. The hardest part for me is actually picking up the paintbrush or pencil when it would be much easier on rough days just to lie in bed and watch Netflix or to go back to sleep. I know that I will feel 10x better if I feed my creative spirit but during those moments I am opening myself up to vulnerability and that’s a tough place to be if you are already feeling low. So…I’m trying something different. For the first time I actually painted a work of art for myself. I put all my other projects on hold despite my mind desperately trying to resist saying I “wasn’t being productive enough” and practiced self care in the exploration of what was going on inside my head. The result was a painting that I now have hanging above my bed that is deeply personal and holds a lot of meaning. It felt good to work on something that I wasn’t trying to impress anyone with, I just had the goal of expressing what I was feeling at the time. I found that after I had finished, I was able to focus more clearly on my other projects and had more self confidence in my abilities. While the feeling of elation and joy doesn’t last forever, I have to make note of the lesson learned in this accomplishment and apply it to future moments when things seem to be at odds in my life.

A lot of the time I also feel scattered and all over the place, unable to focus my attention on one task or another. I find this is when I feel most anxious. I have learned over the years that once I begin painting, it is often only a matter of time before I am completely absorbed in what I am doing and become more relaxed and at ease. I am able to pour myself into what I am doing and that sense of accomplishment is that much greater. I think the idea of being grounded and fully connected to the physical earth when your head seems to be floating in the clouds is essential. I have been trying to accomplish this a little more each day through reading for enjoyment (which I had stopped doing almost completely because I thought it was not productive, when in fact, self care is hugely important) and meditation. I try to do a yoga nidra meditation before I go to bed at night and set an intention for sleep and allowing my body to rest. I find that these nights are always more peaceful and calm and I go into sleeping with a routine my body recognizes. The hard part will be trying to stay consistent with these routines I have set up for myself and know that although it might seem “not productive” or silly at the time, it really does make a difference in the long run for how I see myself and my body. I can’t take care of others, which I love doing unless I take the time to take care of myself.

Keeping with this train of thought, I adopted a cat named Piper! It’s funny how much we have grown to know each other over the past few weeks and although she isn’t the most cuddly cat, she shows her affection in following me around and keeping me company when I am doing various activities. She also has the most beautiful green eyes-I feel at times she must know what I am thinking.