In each and every moment we have the power to determine the outcome, what happens next. This thought is not only scary as it causes us to take a careful look at our past and subsequently analyze how we arrived at this present moment but grants us the power to determine the next. There is a lot riding on this idea, and it can become too much for some to handle. There are days where I just push forward, jumping from task to task without ever taking a step back and thinking, and there are days (which are much more few and far between) where I make a conscious effort to slow down and be purposeful. Since my mind is almost always in an anxious state, these latter days are harder to pursue but I always feel better about myself at the end. In the search for peacefulness and happiness (which I often put hand in hand) I feel as though things in my life need to be perfect, always in order and in control at all times. I get overwhelmed by overthinking about how my life should be, rather than how it is at the present moment.

We are all dealt a hand of cards that we must play over the course of our lives, and no matter how terrible that hand appears to be, we must figure out a way of navigating what we are given. I often find myself complaining inwardly about what I must overcome on a daily basis but often neglect to look at what is working, or the things I could highlight and use for the better. If I hold the power to be the author of each and every next moment, why wouldn’t I choose a positive outcome, one that benefited me in the best possible way? It seems simple to think about, but definitely not the easiest to accomplish in the real world. I often find myself going along for the ride with things that are happening to me but in no way being present or mindful. It’s like I am moving forward in a trance, just allowing events to happen to me rather than having a voice in their outcome. Then I look back hours, or days, or weeks later and wonder how I ended up like I did. I want to change this but I know it requires a lot of hard work and mindfulness that I sometimes I wish I could avoid because it involves me actually feeling and expressing things-things like  deeper emotions and ideas. These emotions and ideas are ones that often cause me shame or guilt because I am embarrassed to claim them as my own, and would rather stuff them down and placate them to the outside world with a stoic “I’m fine”. Yet, I’m not fine, and how am I moving forward or accomplishing anything from this? I am certainly not consciously choosing to be happy, wielding the power I have within myself to respond to events with intention. Every moment presents us with an opportunity to act  in whatever way we choose.